Karen: My body and mind conditions reflected the “I” in my everyday life (the 3-day retreat experience in March 2014)
The whole thing is super cool. Think about it. All you can do is to doubt. You are not allowed to talk from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm every day during the whole retreat (of course, there is no nap time). I haven’t done this before. This is a challenge to me. Since I saw the schedule, I had drawn a picture in my mind. I would be sitting in the mountain and focusing on one simple question all day long. I would have learned some great “Kongfu” and walked down the mountain feeling recharged. Even though Teacher Linda kept reminding us that this was not a vacation and we needed to work very hard, I still daydreamed it would be a fantastic trip.
Well…the reality is that I walked down the mountain, exhausted, with my heavy bag at the end. My neck and my back were very sore. I spent money giving myself such a hard time. What on earth was I thinking? During the intensive practices, I had no way to run away. This retreat gave me an opportunity to face myself honestly and truly. Many things distracted me from doubting. No matter how fluctuating my breath was, how many wandering thoughts I created, how impatient I was, how tired I felt, I needed to keep concentrating on doubting. No matter what happened, there was only “I” solving my own problem. I had to be totally independent. I needed to get rid of my dependence. All my body and mind conditions that occurred during the meditation all reflected the “I” in my everyday life, which I have never been aware of. It proved what happened on the cushion is just the same as your everyday life, which the teacher always tells us.
It is pity that I can only do two-day classes because of my job. I wish I could stay for three days. To me, taking the retreat is to challenge myself. Ｉhave looked through myself and found the “I” that I have never known by intensive practices. In the meantime, I have learned how to doubt on the right track. Even though I haven’t been familiar enough with the method, there is only one thing I can do in the future, that is, to keep practicing doubting purely for one hundred percent. ***** check for more Students’ Sharing *****